Success stories

Overcoming addiction: a success story

After the construction of the dairy barn, which was already a challenging time, the first child was born. The housing situation became  cramped

After the construction of the dairy barn, which was already a challenging time, the first child was born. 

The housing situation became  cramped:

  • Parents in the basement 
  • Successor on the upper floor, where two rooms were provisionally prepared    

The farm always got the absolute priority.

So the father is not present at the birth of the son: he was in the stable. From then on, his  wife was available to work on the farm and his  parents had to deal with health issues. 

These changing circumstances led to increased  alienation.

Type of farming activity
Dairy farm (140 dariy cows with own breeding)
Mental health issue and affecting factors

The addiction to an ongoing growth, getting bigger and bigger led to alienation from wife and child.

What is your story?

In this family farming business, the generations work together. They work hard, and at some point they lost their sense of direction.. 

The barn construction is undertaken   amicably between all family members in order to creat steps forward in the interest of the farm business. to get better and bigger:

  • First for dairy cows
  • then a building for the breeding
  • then the farmers house and apartment building is converted.  

After the construction of the dairy barn, which was already a challenging time,the young farmer’s  first child was born. 

The housing situation became even more close and cramped:

  • Parents in the basement 
  • successor on the upper floor, where two rooms were provisionally prepared    

The farm always got the absolute priority.

So the father is not present at the birth of the son: he was in the stable. From then on, the wife was available to work on the farm  and his  parents of the farmers had to deal with health issues. 

The grandfather is diagnosed with advanced MS. 

The grandmother is diagnosed with joint arthrosis all over her body.

Alienation accelerated.

The wife is totally overwhelmed with the child and the situation. 

They live in two chaotic rooms, without contact (Covid) to other families or mothers, and her own parents are about 50 km away. At the baptismal interview (child is one year old), the wife is diagnosed with massive depression. During the conversation it turns out that she had a short love affair with her brother-in-law in order to feel good about herself again.

So in a short time the whole situation became very difficult and  challenging for the spouses, their little family, and as well the older  family.

All those involved were overwhelmed. Situation seemed hopeless. Separation was on the cards. The question arose: “for whom do we do all this?”

At the same time, there are economic  and financial constraints after the construction investment. This made a separation  financial settlement with his spouse   almost an  impossibility  and very difficult..

Handling the situation

The family doctor wanted to offer psychological help. None of the participants knew anything like this before. It was only after a conversation with a Deacon and his accompaniment that they realized that outside help was indispensable.

In this case, it was a stroke of luck that psychological help for the two spouses could start immediately. This led to positive and good discussions and a good opportunity to reflect on past activities and behaviours. 

Farmers with  with livestock can hardly afford any time off.

If new considerable investments are made on debt capital, the situation can become very inflexible for all members involved.

The stroke of luck was that a relative of the wife, who had taken early retirement, helped out in the family business without hesitation when asked. This gave great  physical relief, allowed  the married couple to have more time together and be more supportive to each other. It was also good for their family life. Trust could be restored and  built up again. It also provided the time and opportunity for both partners to experience love again,  and to participate in life. This also relieved the burden on the grandparents) at the farm.

Conclusion and tips

The situations are changing. 

Finding self-esteem in the mode of constant growth and “more and more” does not have to be. Farmers are also allowed to live privately. 

This seems very logical to everyone including every farmer.

But at the same time if  a family business is overwhelming for  whatever reason there is a tendency  that in many cases it can  cause relationship problems which can end up being stressful and often difficult to resolve.It can also put pressure on the farm owner to work longer and longer hours. and miss out on family life,.

It is very important  for the farm entrepreneur to work as a family in order  reduce the risk of relationship problems and to have a better quality of work life balance and good mental health and wellbeing.make  The family and business need to be looked after together. This is fruitful.

Tips to other farmers

“Only cows and constant growth is not a real way. You need a broader view and an open mind!”

What is important in life?

It is good to pick up a book that is not agricultural literature. Recommended reading:

Michael Ende: Peppo the Street Sweeper

Heinrich Böll: the fisherman

In this family farming business, the generations work together. 

Hard and steady work is a source for stability and being grounded, especially in farming in the work with nature, soil, plants and animals.

Hard work is good and fine, even during  extreme seasonal peaks.

But at some point you need to be careful to keep a focus to stay on track, and not to revert to poor habits. 

If your child is being born or any other important family occasion  and you are not there  to enjoy the event because you are  not able to finish your work, then it is important to plan for such occasions so that you can have the time to be present  Therefore it is  important  to rethink and prioritize  how you are managing you time and how you do things.

Getting outside help can be very helpful, sooner rather thins later to resolve a difficult situation, comparable to this one.

In this case, after reaching a very difficult  challenging situation, there was a stroke of luck that the young farmer’s family was supported by a relative in dealing with the huge amount of work.