Before Timo’s death, Leena had to face various losses. The fact that she had supported others in the moment of loss gave her strength to deal with the loss of her own spouse. The support network was also strong, the roles of the supported and the supporters alternated, now Leena received support and help.
Leena is grateful that her own family, her parents, her husband’s siblings and parents, and friends were close to her. One of the husbands sisters slept in the same room with Leena during the time after the incident, the boys were at home and all were together. Facing the mourner was difficult for some, others avoided Leena and sometimes Leena supported the person who was grieving.
The severe frosts started after a week of Timo’s death. A water tank in the barn started to leak. The neighboring farmer came to help fix it. The following week, the toilet shower broke. The dishwasher broke. In the moment, everything seemed a lot of extra and things to be taken care of piled up. All this made Leena think that she is still needed in this world. One just needs to get going, repair and get a new faucet and a new dishwasher. In addition to the grief, these things seemed really big in the moment. Furthermore, Leena’s mother’s memory began to deteriorate to the extent that she could no longer manage at home. Leena’s father also moved to an apartment building closer to the place where Leena’s mother was being treated. In July-August 2006, Leena was alone at home for the first time in her life. In the autumn of the same year, her father-in-law passed away. Leena had to give up many of her loved ones in a short time span.
Leena thought the best solution was to give up her new associational mission, which had started in the beginning of January. She also informed the other associations in which she was active that she would no longer manage the affairs for the associations. The associations convinced Leena to stay and lighten the workload. So Leena continued to work with the associations. The tasks remained, but she received more help.
Then spring came and the sowing had to be done. The most difficult moments were the first times when a machine was put into use. After that, the other times were already easier. The first summer was terrible.
The waste oats seemed to be everywhere. Leena went to tear them sometimes with the children, sometimes with the neighbor’s. The burden felt unreasonable and at times it was annoying that why did this have to happen, why did Timo have to die. However, the will to live kept she going.
In the fall, Leena was just leaving for a trip abroad with her friend, when the inspector called her. An inspection time was arranged for a time after the trip. The inspection went well, but at that point she felt that it couldn’t be true.
The biggest grief related to the matter are the thoughts that, for example, the grandchildren have not known their grandfather, that is a painful thing.
Leena has had many problems with her own health. She describes her character as positive. She has her loved ones and staying active as a coping mechanism. The farm’s fields have been rented to another farmer since 2015. Leena had dancing as a hobby together with her husband. Leena kept that hobby even after Timo’s death. Dancing also gave meaning to live. At the moment, the hobby of dancing continues with a close person, with whom Leena has been together for several years. Nature and water are important to Leena. The sound of the bubbling rapids next to the home gives her strength. Water as an element gives peace of mind.
